New Drugs for Women >from Aunty Deena

DAMNITOL -
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN- Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT -
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO -Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL -When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN- Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA -
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN -
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT -
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT- When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.