your coffin is up on blocks.
your hearse has a shotgun rack
your wife-beater shirt is black.
your coon dogs are named Bela and Lestat.
you have a pair of black latex overalls, with no crotch.
you drink the blood of animals at night, and then sodomize them.
you have hickeys with fang marks.
you check the blood type of your victim with a dipstick.
you don't have two front teeth, but you do have fangs.
your banjo is made of human flesh and bone.
your blood comes in a box
you hold late night walks and poetry readings, in a junkyard.
you think Johnny Cash has 'pretty lips'
your coffin is lined with a velvet confederate flag
your hearse's horn plays the first few notes of Dixie, in D minor.
your hearse has Playboy mudflaps.
you have a Moon tan line when wearing a short sleeve shirt.
your coffin liner is black and grey plaid.
your hearse is jacked up and sports dear lights.
you smoke cloves in a corncob pipe.
you dye your sheep black.
you have elbow length black latex gloves, covered in pig shit.
you midwived the cow your leather boots came from.
your oh-so-spooky homepage is at www.y'all.com.
that's engine grease on your face, not makeup.
your bull's nose is pierced 6 times.
even your teeth are black.
your hearse has its doors welded shut.
you have a black velvet Elvis painting, postmortem.
your child's first words were 'Ah! The light!'.
your hearse has a trailer hitch.
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