Top News Stories In The Year: 2029

This is just sad.

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing
millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's
third language.

* Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate
heterosexual marriage.

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in
the AmericanTerritory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan,
Syria and Lebanon).

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it
will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe
levels.

* France pleads for global help after being taken
over by Jamaica.

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars
can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.

* George Z. Bush says he will run for President
in 2036.

* Postal Service raises price of first class
stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

* 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise
is the key to weight loss.

* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals
violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players is now nine feet,
seven inches.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

* Florida voters still having trouble with voting
machines."