1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copies of Guns & Ammo magazine, Soldier of Fortune magazine and some back-issues of the NRA magazine.
3. Put several giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines (Include a steer thigh-bone).
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Duke, Big Jim, Slammer, Slim, and I went for more hollow-point ammo. Back in an Hour. Don't mess with the Dogs-- they attacked the mailman this morning And they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it. Thank God! It was hard to tell, though, from all the blood. Took Bobbi-Jo hours to Clean up the sidewalk. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em dogs up in the house.Better wait outside. They're kinda spooked.
We be right back,