Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken
won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the
road before it goes after
the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What
we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on
his 'CURRENT' problems
before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having
problems, which is why he wants
to cross this road so bad. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his
mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I'm going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life
like the rest of the chickens.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of
the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN :
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the
road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled
about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it inhis eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had astanding order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the pricedropped to a certain level.
No little bird gave me any insiderinformation.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: (this is my favorite one)
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay!
Can't you people see the plain truth in frontof your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's why theycall it the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be crossing the road.
It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting?
In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of
crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your check book.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road,
or did the road move beneaththe chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What is your definitionof chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?"