SOME WISDOM FROM LARRY THE CABLE GUY

1. A day without sunshine is like
night.

2. On the other hand, you have
different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are
made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest
a bad name .

5. Remember, half the people you know
are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without
enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but
the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only
culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the
sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from
vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try
missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in
psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be
without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't
get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half
to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for
your name?

21. Inside every older person is a
younger person wondering,"What the hell happened?"

22. Just remember--if the world didn't
suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound.
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them
speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.
It's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow