Funny one-liners...for email sigs

One-Line Signatures captured from the Internet

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Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.


Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?


Give me ambiguity or give me something else.


I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!


We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.


Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!


Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"


Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.


Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.


Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.


I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.


What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?


If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.


"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."


Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.


Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.


I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.


Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.


The gene pool could use a little chlorine.


Where there's a will, I want to be in it.


Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?


We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?


All generalizations are false.


Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.