From Beth ::::Senior Humor

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a
fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards
on, the class was over.


--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer
pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and
asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years
older than me." "So
you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands
and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I
still have my driver's license.

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc,
want my sex drive
lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your
sex drive is all in your
head ?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why
I want it lowered!"

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final
requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
ashes scattered over
Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?"the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure
my daughters visit me
twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
out.

---I've still got it, but nobody wants to ! see it.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age,
but they haven't made one
called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you
stop laughing.


- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to
tell the difference!