for people in Austin

You Know You're From Austin When...

You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it. You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio. You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or one on building your own web site. You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin. A man walks on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice. A woman walks on The Drag with live poultry ...You don't notice. You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest. You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist. You keep a list of companies to boycott. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag. You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..." You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and- bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is name is actually Leslie. You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas. You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's eight 24-hour resaraunts (Katz', Kerbey Lane, Star Seeds, Magnolia Cafe, IHOP, Denny's, the Kettle, or Jim's). You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene. You don't even think about getting good seats to the Longhorns football games. You know the exact locations of three towing yards. Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/ socks. Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes. You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March. You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and Shiner Bock beer a well balanced meal. You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts. 100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere between May and September seems a little chilly. ou figure skin cancer is inevitable b/c it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on. When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys. You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade. Nobody's aware that Southwestern went out of style. You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you really don't care either way cuz it's fun to wonder. You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic. You see more Texas flags flying than American flags. You spend so much time at MoJo's Coffee House, you finally start bringing in your own CD's for the staff to play. Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of a time as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care. Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories." The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free... That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch. You're in a band - several of them, in fact You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austin.

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