DOG HUMOR

DOG HUMOR
DOG RULES
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.


QUOTES:

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. ~ Unknown

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. ~ Mark Twain

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies. ~ Gene Hill
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul ~ chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ~ Anne Tyler

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money. ~ Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. ~ James Thurber

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. ~ Ann Landers

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. ~ Edward Abbey

Cat's motto: no matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. ~ Unknown

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. ~ Unknown

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. ~ Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~ Andy Rooney

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. ~ Unknown

TOP 20 REASONS DOGS DON'T USE COMPUTERS

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon very frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they will...with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8. Because dogs aren't geeks! (Now, cats, on the other hand.)
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating their voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY commands were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.mymaster.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceitful than online chat rooms.
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